remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
