also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
