he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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