We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
