Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
