I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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