Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
