Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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