he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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