Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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