I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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