2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
