Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
