Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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