I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
