My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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