just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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