There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
