Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
