Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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