Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
