He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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