even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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