yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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