You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
