a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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