i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
