There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
