He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
