apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
