Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
