Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize