need another drink. this is the easiest way
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
