Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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