you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
