you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
