I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
