You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize