I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize