Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
