I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
