So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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