Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
