Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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