nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You're so nebulous sometimes
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
