I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
