community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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