Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
