Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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