I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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