Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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