her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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