i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
