i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am spending my child support on dildos
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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