How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
