WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
