Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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