I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
