My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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