ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
