margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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