We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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