new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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