Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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