i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
