Screwed.edu
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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