My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
