Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
