at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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