somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize