Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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