I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize