dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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