She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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