Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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