I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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