...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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