his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
