Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
