Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
