I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
