Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
