We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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