You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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