I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
