Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
