Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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