So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
