Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
