I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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