She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
