When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
